Still at 0

Is Google done with their dance?

If so, then this s**ks big time. My blog went down from a PR (Page Rank) 2 to a PR 0. I really have no idea why and it baffles me. Just when I was updating this blog and all. Crap. My other blog, which has almost the same content by the way, is still at a PR 2. I haven't updated that blog in ages. Go figure.

It's just frustrating you know. I've been working really hard to increase my PR score and I get a 0. I mean, I'm not saying I have an excellent blog here. I'd be happy if it stayed at a PR 2, but what's with the 0?!?!?! Rant rant rant! Calling Google, I really do not understand how you check things or rank a page, I don't think anyone does. I've seen blogs with nonsense contents and bad english get a PR of 6. Do you guys just randomly rank pages or what?

Okay rant done.

Questions Running Through My Head

It's been pretty hectic in the office these days. I've been working a 12 hour shift every day for the past couple of weeks. This is not good.

I don't know. I guess I feel I am enjoying myself more when I am in the office. Am I wierd or what? I guess for some reason, I prefer the office rather than home.

You see, there are like 16 adults living here plus 3 children. Can you say "chaos"? My husband's cousin, along with his family live here. They have 2 kids and 2 helpers with them. Our helper also has her husband living here, plus their child. During weekends, everyone's here and I feel so irritable with the many people you have to adjust to. I honestly feel like a prisoner.

Leave you say? Yeah that was the plan - before. Now, H doesn't want to move out it's making me frustrated. My in-laws keep on telling us not to move out because no one will take care of them. Call me bad, but when will we ever get to start our life as husband and wife?!

You can't say I didn't try because I did - I really did. But I just can't stand it anymore. Call me selfish but I want to start reaching for the dreams that we once had - or was it just mine? Am I being selfish?

Each and everyday thoughts pour into my head. I am sorting out thoughts, running everything in my mind. Am I selfish for wanting to move out? Am I expecting too much of you when I feel jealous about how my friends' husbands would treat them out to dinner, or bring them to some place for a vacation? Am I ungrateful when I say I am tired of being the provider in this relationship?

I really don't know the answers as of yet, but I just wanted to rant. Not because I don't love him anymore. I guess I just wanted to let it all out. I am unsure if I am going to post a detailed story as to why i feel this way. Let's wait and see.

Forgiveness

I am drained. Emotionally. Physically. Mentally.

The parasite has left the vicinity. Placed in a rehab somewhere. Thank goodness! Finally people here have opened their eyes and I only have God to thank for His miracle! We have been given hope and a new lease on life.

It's not easy though as A has left a lot of debt piled up. Debts that are due this May. Not to mention the bills this month. Aargh! If someone gave me a knife I could've stabbed that guy and chopped him to pieces! Gory and brutal, I know. It's just that it breaks my heart to see my in-laws so lost, not knowing where in the world they would get all that money. Sigh! All in God's graces and mercy. I just hope that when A gets out of that place, he, with God's help, would do his best to help his parents rebuild what was broken.

So, if you would ask me "have I forgiven him?" I would honestly tell you, "not yet". I guess it's true what Kris Aquino said, forgiveness is a process and I know in time, with God's help, I would find it in my heart to forgive him.