April 1, 2005

Baby Wish

I want to have a baby. This want has been going on in my head and it has been one emotional roller coaster ride. One moment I’d be depressed and question why it’s taking us so long to hold our little angel. I’d cry buckets and ask “why?” The next moment I'd convince myself that now is really not a good time, that financial matters must be taken into account. I am one big cuckoo I must say. Most of the times, persuading myself with practical thoughts seem to work but deep in the recesses of my heart, I know and feel that I want that little bundle of joy. Like now for example, I am awake at 2 in the morning trying to shake these baby wishes out of my thoughts, willing myself to shut my eye, sleep and forget about it for a few hours, and hopefully wake up without a single baby thought. But nada, zilch, nothing works. So here I am pouring these thoughts out, letting my fingers do the talking. How do I get this out of my system? How do I let these thoughts go away and let me be? It’s depressing enough that I am in a situation where I simply cannot help but blame myself and these baby thoughts are not helping. Enough ranting. I promised myself that I would try to be optimistic for once. I’ve been pessimistic all my life and people don’t like that. That’s one attitude that I’d be glad to get rid of. It’s proving to be hard though. Oh, by the way, for all you wives out there, do visit ‘Wives Speak” =) Hear the Wives voice out on the different aspects of being a…wife =) (sometimes, I feel I’m like Joey Tribbiani of F.R.I.E.N.D.S, I always have a hard time finding words to convey my thoughts. ;-) )

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