Hope

Going back to an earlier post where the husband said he wanted to have a baby. I am trying to stop myself from hoping again. But really, can you stop it?

It's really painful when you want something so bad and get frustrated each and every time you hope for it. Waiting for my baby miracle is never an easy thing. I couldn't count how many times I cried and felt so bad that I am starting to not care about it anymore. The hoping every month and the frustration when you see one line on the test. I am honestly tired. I want to stop. I want to feel like i don't want a baby, but I know, deep down inside I do. I make myself believe that I don't but I do.

I just know it would take a miracle, and even if every part of my being wants to stop hoping, I can't help but do. Simply because, hope all I have left.

Work, Dreams and Family

It's been a lazy weekend so far with the husband and I hibernating inside our room watching the tube. It's one of those days when all we want is to lie down and relax. Get that much needed sleep, you know.

I don't have work tomorrow due to the canadian thanksgiving day. But I might go to work to help out Arvin and the gang. I miss that account and I am willing to dish out any help I could give.

Work's been pretty so-so the past few days. It still eats up much of my time though. But plans are underway for me to really take photography as a serious hobby.

The other week though, the husband uttered words I never thought I would hear: "I want to start a family na. Gusto ko na magkababy!" I was dumbfounded. I always knew he wanted it deep inside, but I guess fear of expenses and stuff has always kept him wary. I, on the other hand, have always wanted to have a baby. But frustration after frustration has made me numb about that dream. Brushing it away. And now that the husband has spoken of his intentions, then maybe I could give it another chance. Let's wait and see, shall we?