May 16, 2007

Questions Running Through My Head

It's been pretty hectic in the office these days. I've been working a 12 hour shift every day for the past couple of weeks. This is not good.

I don't know. I guess I feel I am enjoying myself more when I am in the office. Am I wierd or what? I guess for some reason, I prefer the office rather than home.

You see, there are like 16 adults living here plus 3 children. Can you say "chaos"? My husband's cousin, along with his family live here. They have 2 kids and 2 helpers with them. Our helper also has her husband living here, plus their child. During weekends, everyone's here and I feel so irritable with the many people you have to adjust to. I honestly feel like a prisoner.

Leave you say? Yeah that was the plan - before. Now, H doesn't want to move out it's making me frustrated. My in-laws keep on telling us not to move out because no one will take care of them. Call me bad, but when will we ever get to start our life as husband and wife?!

You can't say I didn't try because I did - I really did. But I just can't stand it anymore. Call me selfish but I want to start reaching for the dreams that we once had - or was it just mine? Am I being selfish?

Each and everyday thoughts pour into my head. I am sorting out thoughts, running everything in my mind. Am I selfish for wanting to move out? Am I expecting too much of you when I feel jealous about how my friends' husbands would treat them out to dinner, or bring them to some place for a vacation? Am I ungrateful when I say I am tired of being the provider in this relationship?

I really don't know the answers as of yet, but I just wanted to rant. Not because I don't love him anymore. I guess I just wanted to let it all out. I am unsure if I am going to post a detailed story as to why i feel this way. Let's wait and see.

2 comments:

ämörë said...

mahirap nga to Nyree.. hope things will get better soon.. take care of your self!

NYREE said...

Hi Amore! Thank you. Yeah it's pretty tough but I am just praying about it. I guess I'm jst confused. Thanks for always being there, HUGS!

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