Touched

Mouth Hanging open. Tears falling freely. I close my eyes. I stand up. Close my eyes again. Sit. I am restless...because my heart just can't contain the joy and amazement of how Glorious You are. You are God!

I dance. I sing. I cry. I smile and I praise and worship You! My heart just can't stop praising You, God! I want to be caught in this moment forever...because during this quiet time of ours today, You touched me. I felt Your never ending love for me, and I know that's just a taste, I know You love me more than I can ever imagine.

People may call me crazy if they saw me, but I don't care. All I care about is You, my Father, my God, my Lord! You alone are God who reigns!

Fearfully and Wonderfully Made

"For You created my inmost being; You knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made." Psalm 139:13-14

I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wow. I've read this verse a hundred times, heard it in various churches, Bible studies and from well meaning friends. But it is only now, today, that I was able to grasp the meaning - if I could even grasp this amazing thought from God.

Wow. Can you even begin to imagine God while He was creating you? Thinking about it leaves me in awe. HE is GOD! He can just snap his fingers or just utter a word and I could have been created instantly. But no. HE made me, HE took the time and effort to create me - fearfully. My mind is trying to wrap itself in that thought. Fearfully. Does God even fear anything? I think not, but when He created you and me, He was fearful because He loved us even before He created us - His children, His masterpiece.

Fearfully and wonderfully. I closed my eyes to saturate myself in this thought. I can just see the Master when He was creating me. His brows furrowed in concentration. His sweat slowly trickling on His forehead, focused and undeterred. Slowly and carefully chiseling out my features, my characteristics, the sound of my voice, the way I would walk, talk, laugh, cry. The side of His lips slowly twitches upward in a smile as He draws to a finish. His smile widens warmly as He looks at me and He looks at me with great love.

Wow. I open my eyes with tears on my face . I am humbled and in awe. I thank and Praise my Dad - my God for loving me so much! I am in no way perfect in human eyes, I can never be. But in the loving eyes of my Heavenly Father, I am. I AM FEARFULLY AND WONDERFULLY MADE!

Create Memories

I am excited about the next 2 weekends coming up! They can't get here any faster!

This weekend, my husbo and I are watching a movie after church service. It's been a long while since we dated - well at least just the two of us. I was busy going out with my friends the past months and now I think it's time for me and the husbo to reconnect. :) I am giddy with excitement! I know it's not much but for us it's a lot already. Which makes me want to plan already about our wedding anniversary on December. I want to have a unique and memorable celebration with the husbo! Hmm.. what to do? Can someone give me cool ideas?

The next weekend will all be about family. The husbo, I and my family are going out to watch another movie, get some fro yo, spa and dinner after. It's been a while since I went out with my family and I miss them. We may not be that close-knit type but they're still my family and I love them to bits!

This makes me realize the truth behind that quote: "Don't wait for moments in your life, create them." lately, I've been feeling very left out and alone. Chalk it up to PMS but I had a light bulb moment. Why should I wait for people to create happy memories for me? Why not create them myself? So if you're stuck in a rut like I am, then, please, don't just sit around and wallow in despair. Stand up and get a move on! Life is too short! Create memories! Happy memories! It doesn't matter if it's with friends, family, colleagues or even with yourself. Just go do what makes you happy! If you find yourself alone, travel somewhere, take up a hobby you've been dying to do. Appreciate yourself and love yourself!

That's it for today. I feel like I am rambling again. If you have any ideas for that wedding anniversary thingie, please let me know okay? :)

Weekend

How was your weekend? Mine was uneventful yet worth remembering, if that makes any sense. I spent the entire weekend with the husbo. I missed him. We didn't do much, just went to the grocery and then pretty much slept our weekend away, but there are just those moments when I wake up, look at him and realize a lot of little but important things.

Like how the past months, I wasted time and effort on things that were worthless, thus missed out on so many opportunities to spend time with him. I realized how no one can ever love me like he does - how selfless, caring and loving he can be. I realized no one can be as patient with me as he is. No one can listen to me over and over and not judge. He truly is my best friend.

Yes, we have our differences, we have our arguments and petty fights, but inspite and despite these, he will be the only person to stake claim to my heart.

So there, it was a weekend of realizations.

Cherish those people who love you and stop chasing for worthless and foolish dreams.

I Keep A Journal

Do you keep a journal? I know people who do and I know some who don't. I even hear some people saying they don't like keeping journals, especially pouring their thoughts in a blog because they don't like announcing how they feel and they don't like people reading their thoughts. Some say they don't like dwelling in the past and would like to move on.

I keep a journal, both online and offline. Although my online journal has sporadic entries, my offline journal has everything on it. My journal keeps me sane. It helps me express thoughts and feelings I would never ever tell anyone. Most of all, it helps remind me of lessons I learned in the past. Sometimes, even mistakes I keep doing again and again, stubborn person that I am. :)

It's a habit of mine, to read some of my entries a few months or so. I came by this entry and it reminded me of what is happening in my life again. It's as if, the entry was telling me, "here you go again."

Here's what I wrote about a year ago:

This Ends Now.

I am having a hard time letting go of you. When I did my best to avoid getting too attached to you, I ended up clinging to you for dear life. And while I did everything in my power to give you what you wanted, you threw everything in the wind. You did your best to show me you didn't really care - that I am only useful to you when you need something.

But this ends right here, right now. TODAY. No matter how hard, no matter how much I cry. Today, I choose to let go of you, to unclasp my hands one finger at a time. It's for the best. It's for MY best. You don't deserve my friendship and you don't deserve my time.

So goodbye. This ends now.

Written by Nyree at 6/19/2009

I laughed and introspected when I read this entry again. I laughed because it was so "right on!" I introspected because even after I wrote that, I let the incident happen again and again in the span of a year. Call me stupid, I'll accept that because I know I am. I just hate being this trusting.

As much as I want to say that this is the last time. I won't say it anymore. I'll just find the strength to do it. And maybe a year after, I'll look back to this entry and tell myself, I'm glad I found the strength to end this painful and tiring cycle.

I keep a journal. I'm glad I do.

Fast Forward Please

If I could sum up this week in one word it would be: "sigh"

The week isn't even over and yet I just want time to do a fast forward. I want things to move faster so I can be at a place where I don't even remember this time.